6 signs that the time for you to set personal boundaries in a relationship with her mother

No matter how close you are with your mother - your relationship can not remain the same as in childhood. For healthy communication with their parents as adults need time to become independent and start their own lives. Heroine will tell you how to understand that the time for you to set personal boundaries in a relationship with her mother.

1. Communication lowers your self-esteem with it

In a healthy relationship between parents and children each conversation does not turn into a test. As the family therapist Kristin Scott-Hudson:

One way to determine when we have a bad border in our relationship with the mother, is that when we spend time with them, either by phone or in person - then we begin to feel depressed, manipulated, trapped, controlled.

Any unwelcome comments about your life or appearance violates your boundaries - whether from the mother they come, or any other person. As a teenager, you may be ashamed in front of her for being secretly hair cut or dyed hair without permission. But now you're an adult and have the right to decide for itself how to look. If the mother says every time your clothes, makeup and hair, tell her how her words affect you, and offer to keep their negative opinions to yourself.

2. She always asks her to solve the problem of

Help mom thing or council - a normal part of a relationship, but only if it does not run to you just about everything. The problem is not that hard for you to fulfill her request. It is important that you not take too much responsibility for her life. Let the solutions of these problems are of its own choice, of course, if we are talking about a competent adult. Otherwise, you risk to get a bunch of accusations or to enter into co-dependent relationship with his mother.

3. She has strict expectations for you

Discipline and motivation are very important in the process of education, but sometimes Mom forget that children are born, not in order to realize the ambitions of their parents. Do not take overt pressure for support. If you become difficult to distinguish between the desires of the objectives imposed by the mother - it is a sign that you need healthy boundaries in relationships.

Ask her to give you more space to decide what will be your career and personal life. This will help you to understand what you want really. Follow their priorities important to be happy, and it does not matter that these priorities differ from someone else's expectations.

4. She criticizes your partner

When the parents categorically against your partner, without apparent reason, it can also talk about the lack of boundaries between you. Under the pretext of protection of mother and constantly criticize your boyfriend, forgetting about the main thing: it can not live this life for you. You should be your choice (even if someone does seem promising enough or worthy), their mistakes and luck.

The next time, when my mother let herself snide comment at him, saying, "I'm sorry you do not like my partner, but I like it. Try not to do observations in his direction. "

5. In her presence you get angry for no reason

This is normal - feel depressed and upset after an argument with her mother. But, if these emotions is all yours, even a harmless conversation, you should understand why this is happening. Do you feel unfair contempt of her, that it is in her behavior makes you such emotions. Try to discuss it with my mother, but without accusations and recriminations. If this conversation seems too complicated, just find that annoying you, and try to avoid these issues in a relationship with her.

6. It controls your life

This is not necessarily the wine mother, perhaps, the reason for the lack of boundaries between you - your own infantilism. If you are still living together and she pays the rent, buy food, your clothing, dispose of everything in your life, to the point that she writes to the doctor - it is easy to feel depressed and dependent.

In such circumstances, to set boundaries in communication is very difficult - to start will not prevent physical boundaries. Take responsibility for your life and for mothers leave a supporting role, rather than an active participant.