How to mend relations with her mother in law

If most of the family boyfriend or husband performs, rather, the role of the general background on holidays, his mother - an active participant in your family life. Distance to communicate in-law - it is an individual: someone with a first meeting called Mamula, someone prefers a lifetime respectful name and patronymic. Heroine will tell you how to please her mother in law and to establish cordial relations with her.

Ask her advice

Do not be shy sometimes refer to it by some domestic question: recipe, advice on how best to wash a white shirt, whatever. So you show that you value her opinions and feel comfortable enough to ask for help.

Too often seek advice from an in-law is not necessary that its intervention in your life did not become overly active. A topic that just is not worth discussing - your relationship with her son.

has invited her to take part in your family affairs

It's not just for birthdays, but also of any events: trips with the kids to the park, going to the theater, barbecues on the weekends. Will she come or not is not so important. Still in-law will see that you do not forget about it and be considered a member of his family.

Set the daily meetings

It is very important to distinguish between private space and thus to make your appointments in-law regularly. Create a ritual - Sunday lunches once a week, a family trip to the cinema on the last Friday of each month. If she lives far away, try to visit her at least once in six months or a year.

In psychology, there is the notion of "mere exposure effect". According to him, a man appreciates those people or things that are familiar to them. This effect is triggered in the case-law - if you are regular meetings, establish positive relationships will be easier. Of course, this important measure, too frequent interaction will only add to the problems.

Take time to know her

Try to get to know her not only as a mother, grandmother, or your boyfriend your children. Invited her to a café for a cup of coffee to talk about something other than family responsibilities. Ask about work, hobbies, favorite movies. Tell us about yourself. This will help you better understand in-law and maybe change your mind about it. It is always useful to see the person in different social roles.

Remember that your views on parenting may differ

It will not be a mother or grandmother, you, and this is absolutely normal. Do not expect that it will start to make out of your child exactly what you wanted. Some of its rules may be too restrictive, or conversely, mild. If these habits are not harmful to the child, take him leniently.

Click the box for you fundamental moments in education, which can not be violated: not to give too much sweets, limit the time sitting at the computer. Explain that these boundaries are important for you, but otherwise it is free to do, he knows. Often it seems that my grandmother loved grandchildren even more than their own children. According to child psychologist Svetlana Krivtsovoj, it is not in the power of feeling, but the fact that people under the age like more consciously.

The confidence that comes with experience, makes the grandmothers more keen: they have a resource to be interested in the inner world of the child, understand and share his feelings.

Go compromises

Any relationship based on mutual concessions. Coordinate schedules and preferences of each other, so you both can get the pleasure of communicating. If she sees that you are open to dialogue, most likely, it will also become more compliant.

All of these tips do not exclude the importance of your interests. Keep your personal boundaries, do not hesitate to express an opinion. You are entitled to withdraw from family gatherings, if you have a bad mood or feeling. Meeting in-law, as well as other relatives, should not turn into an unpleasant duty.

What is your relationship with your man's mother?