6 signs that you have a savior complex in relations
In a healthy relationship the partners support each other. But for some people, by the second half it becomes the main mission, which overshadows all other values. This is called a "savior complex". In our country, it is most often affects women - because of maternal instincts and mentality features.
Savior complex is easily confused with altruism and concern for the partner, but it is not healthy behavior. It not only makes a very unhappy girl, but do not help those whom directed all its efforts. Here's how to understand what you have too much upon yourself.
1. Your goal - to fix something in a partner
Relationship help people to be better, but to join them, hoping to change people - stupid and pointless.
You may have a savior complex, if the purpose of the relationship for you - change the behavior of a partner - says relationship expert David Bennett. - You must enter into a relationship because you have common values and communication.
When you bring up the idea of dreamland your ideal man - he becomes your project, not your partner.
2. Do you think that your partner can not without you
If he did not die of starvation in the first week after your breakup, then certainly lose his job and sopetsya. After a couple of months you will see how he sings accordion in the city square and shooting passers trifle. Surely all the tramps were on the street after they had been abandoned girls.
When you finally decide to break the failed relationship, I was surprised to find that scoundrel, who swore that he could not live without you, still walking on this earth. He had not even stopped going to work and relax with friends. Love - a strong piece, but not too often die from it. Staying in a relationship, to maintain comfort for a partner - a big mistake.
Even worse to think that their love will you help the boy solve clinical problems, such as alcoholism or drug addiction. In pairs where there is a person with addiction, the second partner often develops savior complex.
In this case the one your presence do not fix it. Can you help him to begin treatment. Or help yourself and get out of this relationship. You have the right to both of these options.
3. to take all decisions for him
In caring for a loved man-savior woman sees no boundaries and obstacles. It intervenes not only in domestic issues such as the selection of clothes for a boy or a joint plans for the weekend, but in all of life's decisions. Even those that apply only to him.
If you rush to the rescue before to consider whether it is your man need, obviously, you have a savior complex. I've already talked about the habits of the helpless men. If you want to close the same, you're doing something right.
4. You can not just listen to
In a harmonious relationship, each partner can speak, share their problems and emotions. People with a savior complex can not simply receive information. They try to argue, persuade, offer solutions and forcing a partner to some action.
Not all problems require solutions. Sometimes a person just need to talk, not to get a lesson or a guide to action.
5. contains it
Sometimes women are so obsessed with the relationship that they live with the guy on the principle: "You just be, everything else I'll do it myself." Part due to the fact that it does not work - fu as unromantic.
One has only once to substitute a guy his neck and said: "Sit down and rest," and you will not soon sleeves of his couch. If you do not know how it happens, read the history of girls who kept their men.
The division of financial responsibility - such as a mandatory part of the relationship, as the presence of a partner. If you think you can work for two, while the guy is looking for himself - in you says savior complex.
6. The pace yourself
The belief that you should all help, someone to fix and solve everything, it is very tiring. In an effort to support partner, you can harm your mental health.
If you have a savior complex, you probably often feel emotionally drained. Remember the last time you thought about what you want, rather than what to do for your boyfriend.
Remember that the relationship - a partnership, and not education. When you stop to take on all the work, you will see that man and he copes with his life. And even if not - it's not your problem.