Why do girls choose not to those men nedolyublennosti parents

Why do women with masochistic stubbornness choose destructive relationships? Again and again practice the toxic behaviors to eventually decide that it is easier to refuse absolutely love than to experience new disappointments.

According to writer Peg Streep, the problem often lies in childhood experiences that continue to shape our behavior my entire adult life. In his book "Detox for her daughter cured of loveless mother and rebuild their lives," she explains why women who do not have enough parental love, will continue to choose the wrong men in adulthood.

The book is based on data obtained from research and interviews with women. I will give you excerpts from the article, in which Peg Streep sets out the main reasons for nedolyublennosti daughter gets into toxic relationships.

It stretches to familiar situations

All people gravitate toward situations and relationships that repeat their past experiences. Research has shown that we are most likely going to make the connection with people who resemble our parents. This process is unconscious and is difficult to control.

Well, if you have loving parents who have made it clear that the world is safe and people can trust - probably you will look for a partner that will give you the same feeling. Unfortunately, dislike daughter will also be attracted to traumatic and uncomfortable situations for themselves.

are susceptible to a nice gesture

The mass culture imposes an image of love as a storm of emotions and passions, knocks down. The one who received less parental attention in childhood, beautiful gestures and gifts can easily be confusing. Discreet and thoughtful man who is slow in deeds, will seem boring or non-sexual, although it is not necessarily true. Those who are not spoiled with love, it is hard to distinguish between the external image from the spirit and understand the true intentions of the partner.

It takes a passion for drama

This is an important observation was made in a book by Craig Malkin "Rethinking narcissism." I think such emotions experienced by many of us:

Romantic uncertainty often excites us.

Neizbalovannyh caress the girl since childhood know that love must be earned, for it is necessary to struggle, to suffer, and she had never given a reason. Negative feelings such as anger, pain and fear they accept as an integral part of the relationship and continue to eat these unhealthy psychological arousal in the future. Being on such a roller coaster may seem exciting, but it's not what you need to measure love or devotion.

do not see how it is treated in fact

If a girl grew up in a family where verbal abuse were the norm, and the approval must constantly merit, it may not even be aware of the bad relationship partner. It seems that it is contrary to common sense, and a survivor of a negative situation, should avoid them in the future. But those who do not have enough love, lose their own desires and needs.

All we are trying to normalize our experience and to think that breaking the last connection, get rid of their influence. However, overcoming childhood trauma is much more difficult than it seems, and nedolyublennosti girls vulnerable to manipulators.

blames himself

Even as a child she learned that the cause of all the failures - shortcomings in its nature. Unhealthy self-criticism led to the fact that she was now inclined to blame himself and does not see its share of responsibility for what is happening partner. If a guy will respond to her comment aggression, she decides that she chose the wrong time to talk, but actually some bastard just does not want to admit their mistakes. Often, it is self-criticism prevents to see what's the matter, toxic people, and to break the unhealthy relationship.

Do not trust your perception

Girls, who since childhood say that they are too sensitive, do not properly understand everything or should not respond, no longer trust their thoughts and feelings. Disparaging the parents teach the child that his feelings do not matter, it does not matter, they talk about it directly or show by their behavior.

As a result, grow and vulnerability gazlaytingu girl, unable to understand their own feelings.

He is afraid of being alone

As a child, a person who lacks the support and warmth, believes that he is the only child whose parents do not like. This sense of isolation as devastating as the mere absence of love. Since she was denied approval by the mother or father, she still evaluating themselves according to how it is treated others, seeking support and fixate on the opinions of others.

In this sense, the loneliness seemed to confirm that the girl instilled in childhood - it is ugly, is not worthy of a good attitude and do not deserve love. Unfortunately, it is very likely push it to the relationship that will support it, these beliefs.