How not to succumb to feelings of envy

How many times has he heard from a colleague or a friend's news of improving, successful purchase or plans to fly to Paris for the May holidays, you feel inside is nasty itchy anxiety - envy? It is difficult to get rid of when your dreams come true at someone else. Envy can be divided into black and white, but none of these shades does not allow to feel better. Mass culture lays a clear social attitudes: envy - it is bad, we should get rid of it. We'll show you how to take control of this emotion and turn it to their advantage.

Understand how the envy of

All our feelings, shortcomings and useful skills have not arisen simply because the universe created us that way. This is the result of a long and painful evolution. So you can not write off all its shortcomings on bad character. According to psychologist from Manhattan, Dr. Loren Appio:

All of our emotions evolved to orient us to the important events happening around, and allow us to communicate with others. In terms of survival, if we do not get enough food or other essentials, jealousy will lead us to fight for our fair share.

In 2011, three scientists - Niels van de Ven, Marcel Zelenberg and Rick Peters - have found a link between envy, motivation and performance. That's what they say in their study:

In four studies, we find that the friendly envy, but not other emotions associated with upward social comparisons, stimulates better performance. Friendly envy seems disappointing, but it leads to a motivation to improve.

Scientists make a clear distinction between envy and admiration. I admire - it is easy to look like a good friend. I admire the talent of singer Adele, but that does not make me unhappy, because this voice I'll never be. Envy - this is when you would be as good a person as your ex odnogruppnitsa, which is now open their business, but they did not.

Use envy as a motivator

Envy - a negative feeling, but it does have its own purpose. Sip hot coffee and burn the tongue is also quite unpleasant, but eventually the pain performs a useful adaptive function - protects you from the absurd and disgraceful death.

Professor of the Department of Psychology at Texas Christian University, Sarah Hill, and colleagues conducted a study of the cognitive effects of envy. And it's good news for us:

We found that in several studies, each experience envy actually increases our attention and memory to information about our competitors or close social ties.

In other words, jealousy focuses our attention on the object and subject. When I see a magnificent text written by my colleague, terribly upset due rolled feelings of worthlessness. But this envy useful, says Sara Hill. After you realize the place occupied in his career, and want to achieve more.

However, it is better not to go too this peeping behind others successes. Envy can be devastating for your motivation, warns Hill: We found that when people experience jealousy, they lose the ability to focus on other things.

Find the cause of envy

To use envy as a motivator, you have to understand its cause. We often react to something without analyzing their feelings and miss an opportunity for growth.

Let's say you're flipping Instagram Lena Temnikova. See how she rests on the fabulous Maldives, eating delicious food, swimming with turtles and lying on the beach. What specifically makes you envy? Maybe you're a long time was not on vacation and want to nature? Or tired of the monotony and dream to see something new? Or do you want to learn how to just take pictures, so that each shot was both natural and chic? Or maybe you would like to become a singer, and regret that I listened to my mother, and came to be an economist?

Envy can serve as a trigger to clarify your goals and desires. Yes, you will not appear tomorrow in the Maldives and not become a star, but maybe you need something not so, and a little rest and a little trip out of town?

Do not scold yourself for being jealous of

When you're jealous, together with a sense of their own inadequacy arises shame for such ignoble thoughts. You scold yourself for being amenable to such a petty feeling, and this is even worse.

The first step in dealing with destructive emotions - admit it and move on. Do not try to disguise this feeling of sincere joy of someone's success. Say to yourself - yes, I'm jealous, yes, I understand why this is happening. Yet we have to admit that luck the other person does not make you a failure. It's just part of the human experience.

Try to get close to people who are jealous of you

With Lena Temnikova you get closer, of course, will be problematic. But if at work have a colleague with whom you are in your head all the time, run a race, and it usually beats, then apply the "opposite action strategy." Enrages someone's success? Congratulated him and support. According to Lorena Appio, support a more successful person will be your antidote to envy:

The practice of the opposite action may actually generate different states and feelings in you. It can make you feel more generous, optimistic and sincere.

Better yet, offer people help in starting a new project or an important fact for him. Then you will feel part of his achievements, and this is a pride for the other, rather than envy.

If you do not go up to his envy from a pragmatic point of view, we just missed the opportunity to achieve success and will remain forever in the keyhole others victories.